


Scenes From Jensen the Vampire Slayer

by gigglingkat



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Supernatural RPF
Genre: Crack, Crack Pairing, Crossover, Fandom Fusion, I am so sorry, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-07-30
Updated: 2011-07-30
Packaged: 2017-10-21 23:31:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,402
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/231084
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gigglingkat/pseuds/gigglingkat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is a retelling of Buffy the Vampire Slayer as a JSquared fic. The scenes and <i>most</i> pieces of dialogue belong to that series.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Scenes From Jensen the Vampire Slayer

**Meet Your Stalker Scene**

Jensen stormed from The Bronze. Dammit all to hell, it was supposed to be _different_ here. _He_ was supposed to be different here. He was supposed to be normal again. No more "saving the world" bullshit. He was supposed to make normal friends. Like Chad. Sure Chad was the stereotypical dumb jock. But he'd been a _normal_ dumb jock who hadn't immediately tried to give Jensen a swirly. He'd even stopped giving them to Misha when Jensen forced the issue. Chad - who was probably telling the world that the new LA Transfer was not only queer but also psychotic - just because Jensen had almost killed him with a wooden stake.

At least, Danneel was safe. She and Misha were probably never going to talk to him again either. Not that Misha had gotten much past stammering, but that wasn't the point!

The point was that all of it was that librarian's fault. If Jim Beaver hadn't gotten in his face about his "destiny" then none of this would be happening. Why couldn't they just leave him alone? He'd never wanted any of this - slayers were supposed to be _girls_ for crying out loud. It was bad enough people heard "cheerleader" and assumed he was a girl. Now "Destiny" had to go having gender issues.

Jeff Morgan had died trying to train Jensen to be a slayer. Even if he was **_not_** going to be a slayer, Jensen wasn't about to let Jeff's death mean nothing. He could sense someone was stalking him as he fled the club. He ducked around the corner and took the guy by surprise.

The guy was quick to recover and he had the reach on Jensen. He managed to get away from Jensen and backed up quickly with his hands outstretched.

"Um. Hey. It's - There's no problem here."

"You're right," Jensen responded. "You follow me; I kick your ass. No problem at all."

The guy stepped out into the light. Holy shit. He was drop dead gorgeous. "I know what you're thinking. Don't worry, I don't bite. Truth is, I thought you'd be taller, or bigger muscles and all that. You're pretty spry, though."

 _Drop dead gorgeous and slayer stalker. Just my luck._ "You forgot 'and a girl'"

"No, I'd already heard about LA - " The guy broke off and looked down sheepishly. Obviously, he realized that bringing up LA was not the way to improve this conversation.

"What. Do. You. Want?" Jensen bit out.

"The same thing you do," Drop Dead Gorgeous said - with earnest puppy dog eyes no less. It wasn't fair. It really wasn't.

Jensen refused to be swayed. He was _normal_ now. He wasn't a slayer anymore. "Ok then. What do _I_ want?"

Drop Dead Gorgeous stepped forward. Something unidentifiable changed in his demeanor. He was suddenly a lot more deadly looking. "To kill them. To kill them _all_."

Jensen studiously ignored the part of his brain that wanted to reply _Woof_. "I'm sorry," he chirped instead, "that's the wrong answer. Enjoy your parting gift of a year's subscription to 'Losers Quarterly'. What I want? Is to be left alone!"

Jensen spun away. Whatever this guy was doing, Jensen was having no part of it.

Drop Dead Gorgeous grabbed for him. Jensen was too tired to stop him. It wasn't because he was hoping Drop Dead Gorgeous would suddenly see the error of his ways, turn out to be gay and run off with Jensen. It wasn't. Really. Although now that Jensen was close enough to see that the shirt was actually covered in paisley pink designs, the "turn out to be gay" part didn't seem much of a stretch.

"Do you really think that's an option anymore?" DDG was saying. DDG? No, he'd have to think of something better to call him. Maybe he'd ask Danneel, if she was still speaking to him. Jensen shook his head slightly to focus back on what Mr. No Nickname was saying. "You're standing at the Mouth of Hell and it's about to _open_. If you turn your back on this, you're only going to get a dagger in it."

"Are you not listening? I'm not the slayer anymore."

"I don't think you can just stop."

"I miss normal conversations!"

"And I miss candy. That's not the point." He shoved something into Jensen's hands. "My point is that you need to be ready."

"Ready for what?"

"The Harvest. The Harvest is coming soon." And with that insanely cheesy, yet chillingly creepy line, Drop Dead Gorgeous spun around and left. His duster trailed out behind him in the breeze and really made his shoulders look like a work of art. Jensen would bet his entire shoe collection that was the reason he wore a duster in the first place. Damn him. Definitely, at least bi. Not that Jensen cared. Gorgeous but crazy was not something he was having in his life anymore.

He looked at what he had been holding in his hands. It was a jewelry box. Inside was a silver cross. When Jensen wore it the next day, it was going to be because it matched his rings. That was all.

 

 **Your Denial. Show us it.**

Jensen sighed, as he spotted Jim Beaver on the catwalk above the dance floor. The Watcher obviously wasn't going away, so Jensen decided he better get the confrontation over with. Besides, here at the Bronze, there were multiple exits and Beaver couldn't risk making a scene in public.

Jim nodded politely as Jensen walked up. Jensen rolled his eyes, "So you party with students, huh? Isn't that kind of skanky?"

The polite look vanished and Jensen felt a brief pang at the cold response. "This is hardly my idea of a 'good time', Jensen. I'd much rather be somewhere talking about preparing you -"

"- for the Harvest. I know. Your friend told me." Jensen could tell from the sudden look that Jim had no idea what he was talking about.

"What did you say?" Jim asked sharply. "What 'friend'?"

"The Harvest? Does it mean anything to you? I'm drawing a blank. As for the guy? He's ... this guy. Tall and dark... gorgeous - in a completely annoying kind of way. I just figured you were buds. You were both singing the same slayer duty song."

"And this 'guy' specifically said the Harvest?"

"Yep. Mentioned something about a Hellmouth - " Damn. That look couldn't mean good things. "I'm guessing, you're either regretting that tequila shooter, or that this is bad news."

"The Harvest is something that the local vampires attempted to start five years ago. The spell backfired, as the prophecy specifically requires a slayer."

Jensen felt a cold dread. "So it's really lucky that you don't have a slayer."

"Jensen," Jim began. Jensen could hear the same pity he'd once heard in Jeff Morgan's voice. He couldn't face it.

"So what happened five years ago?" he asked instead.

Something akin to embarrassment appeared on the Watcher's face. "You may have noticed that Sunnydale has a very liberal population. Even for California."

Jensen nodded. "Why do you think Mom moved us here? She thinks I burned down the gym because I was having gay teen issues at school. She came here _because_ Sunnydale's got the gay rights laws."

Jim looked distracted. "Really? That's fascinating in a way. It means that the spell was indirectly successful. It _did_ summon a slayer to the Master - "

"But you said it backfired. So it's a non-issue now, right?" Jensen could not stop talking suddenly. "I mean, besides, how bad could the vampires here be? They probably dusted themselves in that spell. What did it do anyway?"

The odd look of embarrassment reappeared. "Well, I'm not sure how, but it would appear that by trying to 'free' the Master and 'unlock' the door and..." Jim pulled Jensen to the side to avoid being overheard. This was rather hilarious, considering he hadn’t worried about “vampire” being overheard. "Well let's just say the spell was obviously vague and had questionable phrases. But the general side effect seems to have been to turn the population over the Hellmouth gay."

The last bit had come out in a rush and it took Jensen a moment to process it. Then, it took Jensen a moment to process what it meant.

"Wait. You're telling me everyone in Sunnydale is gay?!"

"Well. Not completely. There are a fair number of bisexuals."

Jensen blinked at Jim for a few beats. "So instead of breaking this 'Master' free - they broke the Kinsey scale instead?"

He suddenly was aware of the tight space they were in. "Wait. You mean you - "

Jim reached out and smacked the back of his head. "Don't flatter yourself, sweetcheeks. But, yes, I'm bi. I was before the spell. Might be why I could see the changes in others. However, the salient point is that the Master was not freed, but neither was he destroyed. And if there is to be another attempt, he is undoubtedly aware of your presence in Sunnydale."

"Who is this Master anyway? And what is with the corny codename?" Jensen asked in spite of himself. His eyes roamed the dance floor.

"The Master - " Jim was cut off by the look on Jensen's face. "What is it?"

"Vampire." Jensen forgot all about not being the slayer. The Eighties reject that had caught his attention was talking to Danneel!

 

 **Ours is an epic angst.**

Of course, they ended up in the same alley where they'd met. Jensen had tried so hard to deny he was the Slayer; Jared had tried so hard to hide he was a monster. They had both failed. Jensen shook himself out of it and called out to the darkness over his shoulder.

"I know you're there. And what you are, so you might as well show yourself."

Jared looked older than he normally did; maybe Jensen was just seeing him more clearly. Jared sneered and asked, "So you think you know what I am? Let me guess. I'm just an animal, right?"

Jensen managed to convey a world of sympathy in his voice. "You're not an animal."

He had the satisfaction of seeing doubt flit across Jared's face before he continued, "I _like_ animals."

Jared stepped back into a shadow, hiding his reaction. Jensen hoped it hurt. After a beat, Jared flew out of the darkness with a growl, lunging at Jensen. Jensen easily avoided the clumsy attack and hurled him into the dumpster. Jared immediately recovered and came back at him. Jensen parried that attack and realized with a shock that Jared wasn't actually trying to hurt him. Testing the theory, Jensen whipped out the crossbow and got a fix on the vampire panting against the wall. Experience told him that vampire speed meant Jared had plenty of time to move.

Nevertheless, there he stood, leaning against the wall with a weird look in his eye.

"C'mon," Jared taunted. "Don't go soft on me now!"

Jensen had been right, whatever else Jared was - he wasn't interested in killing Jensen. This was "Suicide by Slayer" and Jensen would be damned if he was going to make it that easy on him. The cross bolt hit the wall next to Jared's head.

Jared eyed it ruefully. "You're a little wide."

Jensen ignored the barb. "What is it? _Why?_ Why not just kill me the hundreds of time you had the chance? Has this all been some joke? Think it's funny to seduce the Boy Slayer? Make me _feel_ something?"

Jensen put all his rage into the punch to Jared's jaw, surprising both of them, and sending Jared flying down the alley. Jensen panted and snarled after him. "I've killed so many vampires, I've lost count. But I've never hated one before."

Jared sounded tired when he responded and Jensen resented that he wanted to soothe him. Jared wouldn't look at him. "The hate feels good, though, doesn't it? Makes it all so simple."

"Simple?" Jensen quickly grew angry again. "I invite you into my home and you attack my family! You betray my trust and call it simple!"  
Jared shrugged and Jensen found himself reloading the crossbow.

"Why not?" Jared answered. "I killed my family. I killed all their friends, and their friend's children - For a hundred years, I made sure they saw me coming too. Made sure they had time to feel the fear and hopelessness before I killed."

Jensen noted the past tense, but didn't disarm the crossbow. "What changed?"

Jared just sighed and slowly got up, apparently realizing he wasn't going to die. "I ran afoul some Gypsies. They cast a spell and restored my soul."

Jensen felt confused. "Wait. So that's good, right?"

Jared looked appalled. "Good? No. When you become a vampire, the demon takes your body, but it doesn't get your soul. That's gone! No conscience, no remorse... It's an easy way to live and even an easier way to kill.

"But now? You have no idea what it's like to have done the things I've done _and to care_. I haven't fed on a living human being since that day."

"And you decided to break your fast with my mom?"

"No, believe me or not, but I wasn't the one that attacked your mom."

The damning thing was that Jensen _did_ believe him. He disarmed the crossbow quickly and looked back up. "Come with me back to the library -"

Jared was gone.

 

 **This is not how our story ends.**

Jared's eyes were Jensen's first indication that something had changed. Through it all, Jareth had never been able to fake a soul in his eyes. Maybe it was true about eyes being windows to the soul. Jareth's eyes were empty. But now - there was something in them.

"Jensen?" Jared sobbed out softly, looking around weakly. Oh, God. It was Jared.

Jensen froze.

"What's going on?" Jared asked. "Where are we? I - I don't remember. We - We were at my - "

"Jared?" Jensen whispered hoarsely. _nononono. Oh God. This is not happening. Please? Please let this be a trick. Just another trick._

The portal swirled behind Jared who remained oblivious for the moment. He was still struggling with the memory. Jared's eyes darted around and finally focused on Jensen's wound.

"You're hurt! I - I feel like I haven't seen you in months! Everything is so foggy. I - Oh... Oh, Jensen. What did I do? What's happening?"

Jensen's heart broke and his soul hardened. He hid the sword behind his leg and petted Jared's face.

"Shh. Hush now, love. It's alright. Don't worry. I love you, Jared."

"I love you, Jensen."

Jensen's resolve wavered. "Close your eyes."

Full of faith, Jared obeyed. Jensen swung the blade high and closed his own eyes.

"Whoa!" Jared's sudden shout was immediately followed by him deflecting the blade aside. "What the fuck are you doin -" The movement spun them and Jared caught sight of the portal. "What the hell is _that_?"

"That's Acathla! You woke him up! He's going to suck the world into Hell!" Jensen cracked. "I - I have to kill you to stop it! It's the only way," he sobbed, broken.

"What?!" Jared looked appalled. "I- who - wait. Just wait one damn minute."

Jared stood straight, gestured sweepingly with one hand and enunciated in a commanding tone, "Termino!"

The portal shut instantly.

The pair stood staring at the spot for several moments.

Finally, Jensen found his voice. "What just happened?"

Jared finally looked at him. "You said I opened the Acathla Portal. So I closed it."

Jensen gaped at him. "I - But - you -," he spluttered before taking a deep steading breath. "That's _it_? They told me the only way was to _kill_ you!"

"I worked that much out when the sword came at my chest, thank you very much. Who in the hell told you that load of bullshit?"

Jensen thought for a moment. "Katie and Misha."

Jared repeated slowly. "Katie and Misha."

"Yeah. That's right."

"The guy who hates me and the woman I tried to kill told you the only way to close the portal would be to kill me."

Well, when he put it like _that_. "Um-" Jensen said.

"And you _believed them_!" Jared exclaimed, and the indignant, bitchy expression that Jensen had missed so much was back.

"Don't look at me like that!" Jensen protested. "You were _Evil_. With a capital E. You made me think I was bad in bed, you asshole!"

Jared's eyes drifted downward and a slightly smug expression appeared.

 _It's going to be okay. Oh my god, it's going to be okay._ Jensen thought. He couldn't keep the grin from his face.

Jared shook his head and continued to look dismayed. "-I can't believe you were going to _kill_ me!"

"Is this going to be a thing?" Jensen asked breezily. "Cause they're waiting for me at the library."

 

 **Screw Canon.**

Jensen couldn't quite believe his ears. He tried to express his indignation, but his voice was far too high to carry it off properly.

"Peanut butter cups?!" He squeaked. "We have a beautiful, sexual moment and it was _the peanut butter cups_ that made you so happy you lost your soul?"

Jared had the decency to look thoroughly ashamed. "To be fair. They didn't have those when I was mortal. Also, I'm pretty sure it was the _combination_ of great sex _and_ peanut butter cups that did it."

Jensen just continued glaring at him. Apparently, Jared felt talking faster would ease the sting. It didn't.

"I mean, if it was just the sex, I would have gone all evil with a capital E - you know - _right then_. So it's a good thing! I would have killed you! And I was _really_ worried about that. I was braced for it. Which is probably why it didn't happen, now that I think about it. I was too worried to let myself be completely happy. Then after, you were so gorgeous, and I got up and there they were. You know vampires don't need to eat, but I thought - 'what the hell' - and tried one. Oh my god, the sensation!"

Jensen interrupted, "Don't think about it too hard. We don't want you to _lose your soul or anything_."

Jared looked guiltily at the floor. "Anyway, as I was looking at you and tasting that, I saw that you had Sour Patch Kids. The next thing I knew, I could feel the demon returning and had to get out of there."

The silence stretched for a minute before Jensen said wondrously, "I spent a year thinking, 'Sex with me turns boys into soulless demonic killers.’ But it was actually, 'Candy is a more joyous experience than sex with me.' I can’t believe you actually made it _worse_."

Jared grabbed Jensen's face and drew him close. This was completely cheating and unfair to Jensen. Those puppy eyes did mushy things to his insides. Moreover, they were in full on intense, loving puppy mode now.

" _Great_ sex with you made me so happy that simply eating candy while watching you sleep was intolerably joyous."

 _See?_ Jensen thought. _It was just completely unfair._ He felt the smile forming. "That's how we're phrasing this from now on."

Relief flooded Jared's face. "I can live with that."

The resulting kiss left Jensen breathless. He smiled seductively, "So does this mean that great sex is still on the table?"

Jared started pushing him back towards the bedroom. "Absolutely."

He suddenly stopped and looked worried. Jensen felt a trickle of dread. "What? What's wrong?"

Jared stared at him. "You don't _still_ have candy in the house, do you?"

Then, he grinned. Jensen didn't even bother pulling the punch. "You ass!"

Jared went sprawling from the punch and his own inability to stop laughing. "Hey! I'm just looking out for you!"

Jensen rolled his eyes. "Is there candy in the house? Is that vampire code for safe sex?"

Jensen couldn't contain the giggle. Jared just grinned. "I'm just looking out for you, baby."

"Don't call me 'baby' and I think you're safe. Mom and I had a 'wallow in despair' night last week and ate all the sugar in the house."

With a burst of vampire speed and strength, Jared got from the floor and whisked them into the bedroom, onto the bed. He pulled Jensen down to him with a soft smile, "I can live with that."

And they did. For the rest of their lives.

**Author's Note:**

> The first "scene" is my original response to a prompt from on 's [BIG HUGE CRAZY RPS AU FUNTIME EXTRAVAGANZA](http://annella.livejournal.com/1073862.html?thread=20542150#t20542150). - I owe much to the [Buffyverse Dialogue Database](http://vrya.net/bdb/index.php).
> 
> Reposting as a test for my ability to post here.


End file.
